Beautiful sunset here today, at one point the sun was a big red ball of fire - just beautiful.  And my favorite tree down the street is changing to a bright yellow ball of beauty.

I hate early morning calls reminding me that I have appointments at 7:10 am the next day.  I have no clue why this wasn't in my phone calendar, the appointment was made six months ago.  Gwen has a dental cleaning tomorrow morning and I totally forgot.  So I have to drag all of the kids but Bella to the dentists office and hope that we can get Olivia to school on time.  Grrrr....

The other day Trent and Livy asked why some of the leaves on our big tree were turning yellow and so I told them about fall.  I told them that in Fall the leaves 'fall' off the trees.  Well yesterday the evening got windy and it was time for the kids to go out and play.  About ten minutes after they walked out the door I hear little hands banging on the door and hollering 'mommy, mommy' . Well when I opened the door all I hear is mommy it's fall, it's fall. The leaves are fallin'"  And there were two very excited little ones relaying this message to me because after all, the leaves were in fact 'falling' to the ground.  It was one of those moments that really makes my day!

I finally got the call from Wal Mart today.  I have a job interview on Thursday!  I hate interviews and never really do go on them, but I am looking forward to this.  I need the money.  I am hoping to have a great Christmas for my kids this year.  Last year was really below par in gifts I gave to them and in spirit.  It was our first Christmas after financial troubles hit.  Besides, I love working retail at Christmas time!!!!!

I was moving my computer today and Lily decided she wanted it and grabbed it.  Well, it kinda fell on her head. The corner of it got her eye so now she has a small red cut under her left eye.  Poor baby cried like crazy, but in the end she was just fine.

Yesterday I was walking around saying something I haven't said in a long time. WTMFH  (What the motherfucking hell).  I went to the health district to get Lily and Trent their flu shots.  I had been told that if they had any form of medicaid (full or supplemental) that they would get free shots.  Well turns out, that was a crock of shit and I had to pay 38 dollars for their shots.  38 dollars I really couldn't spare.  I can get re-imbursed by the insurance company, but I wish someone had told me this.  I still would have gotten them done, but I wouldn't have gone out on my weekly date with DH and used that money for the shots instead.  Sometimes I think the local government (Yeah Casper, WY govt.) have their heads up their bums all the time. At least  my two kiddos are vaccinated now. (Lily still has to get a booster in a month) but I feel much better now. The flu is already starting to go around here.

Today was only the second day ever that I was able to make lunch without Lily screaming the whole time.  She was sitting in the living room watching me or standing in the living room at one of her play stations watching me but she wasn't freaking out because I wasn't right there with her... I must say, I SO SO SO LOVE THAT LILY IS CRAWLING AND PULLING UP ON THINGS.  She is finally becoming independent. That's all for now.  This momma is tired and I am going to try a no cry sleep solution to get Lily to sleep without waking up twenty times a night because she doesn't have boob in her mouth. (She won't take a paci) They say it takes a lot of patience, but I am ready for it because my back is really killing me all the time because of how I have to sleep with her in one position all night.  If I move, she wakes up for her boob and she won't stay in her crib either.  Blech, we will conquer this!!!!!  ~LATER LATER ALLIGATOR~

Okay, so the grunting so far has been unproductive.  I will take that opportunity to post some pics and videos. The pics are of the different play stations I set up for her and the first video of course is of her crawling. :) The second video is of her crawling and her sisters torturing her in the process - kinda funny in a mean sort of way. :p

Sorry no update the last couple of days.  We've been busy baby proofiing!  Once she decided she wanted to go she went..............................  Crazy little baby. ;)  We baby proofed the living/dining/kitchen and set up 'stations' for Lily to play in.   1. A red storage tote w/lid that we use as a coffee table with toys on it (She likes to pull herself up on it too). 2. Toys in front of the end table that she likes to pull herself up on. 3. An old clothes basket filled with toys that she can play with (tipped on it's side for easier access) and 4.stuff on the end table that she can play with when she is sitting on the couch with me. She basically has fun crawling from station to station and playing with whatever hits her fancy and then she will crawl over to me to get hugs, snuggles, boob and then she is back to playing. We also have a rug and a foam play mat down for her to play on. I am really enjoying the freedom(and so is she). I know she is safe and having fun and she still has her mommy time. I think I worry less about her now than when she would sit on me all the time and almost fall off of me, the couch, etc. It is great watching her discover and learn new things and become more familiar with her surroundings. And 2 out of 5 times that I have to go into the dining room/kitchen, she doesn't freak out (she can still see me because all the rooms are connected.) like she used to becuase she is feeling more independent.

We discovered a few cute things Lily loves to do over the weekend.  She likes to sit on my bed and gently bonk her head on the wall.  It is so funny to watch her.  She does it, rubs her head on the wall, looks around and then does it all over again.  It is so cute.  She also likes to sit between Tim and I and bring out hands together.  She seems to love it when we hold hands.  Too cute.

My camera...my precious lifeline - halfway decent camera was flippin found yesterday!!!!!!!!!  Gwen got the febreeze off of the top of the fridge and there it was.  We had looked up there like a hundred times.  I have no clue why we never saw it before.  But of course it has been about fourteen hours and I have already gone through a set of batteries ;)  Of course taking videos of a now mobile baby is so so much fun!  And boy do those damn videos sap the battery power!

I must say my living room is looking great.  Now we just have to bring the bedrooms and bathrooms up to that standard before Gwen and I start work and don't have time to get caught up on chores we are behind on.  I don't anticipate Gwen's orientation being before Saturday.  I am still waiting for my call.  They have been so busy that they haven't done any hiring work.  That will teach the personnel manager to be out for three days. (poor thing must have been really sick and I hope she is feeling better)!

I get to take Lily and Trent to the health district for their flu shots today at 1:30.  I hate them getting shots, but I want them to stay healhty and with all of the crap that the kids bring home from school I will definitely be getting them their shots!  After this all of us will have had our flu shots (although Lily will need a booster in a month.)

Not looking forward to all of the cleaning to be done.  The girls will work on their room and I will be working on the kitchen today.  It is supposed to get nasty by the end of the week so I will be cleaning the furnace area too.  Fall is coming and then soon after Winter will be here. (I know, I know, I'm not stupid. I know fall is technically here, but we have been in the 80's near 90 in the next couple of days, so fall isn't here for me.) The leaves are finally turning colors though and they are beautiful.  We have a lot of  yellow here, a few orange.  But I do wish we had more oranges and reds here.  But still beautiful.  I'm not complaining.  I grew up in a place where all the seasons are the same color!!!!

Uh oh baby grunting = baby poooping = stinky mess = time to change diaper.  ~SMELL YA NEXT TIME~

Holy Crap Shit Man!  I'm tired. Lily has been everywhere today.  Most of my kids take about a week or so to get into stuff after they start crawling. It took Lily two days. I had to get up repeatedly today to take stuff from her that she wasn't supposed to have. We did a preliminary baby proofing today and will do the real thing tomorrow. I had forgotten how much stuff babies can get into! She was chasing her brother around the living room and laughing like crazy.  Now I know why I love this age.  Everything is a discovery. :) They can also help you discover what areas of your house need to be cleaned!

Gwen is on a babysitting job tonight - her first.  I'm sure she will love it because she isn't having to watch her own siblings. :P

I feel bad not talking much about Bella right now, but at the moment she is my only sane, normal child. (don't tell her I said that because she hates being called normal, she likes the fact that her Asperger's makes her what she calls 'a bit off of normal')

Livy was great when she came home from school.  I truly think she wasn't eating breakfast and that is why she was so out of control.  And I think she realizes that she is doing great in school.

Trenton has been pretty good.  No super tantrums, but a few minor ones and he is still into the hitting and pinching (more acting like he's gonna do it than actual doing it)  but he is doing better thank goodness.

I think he will benefit from all of the extra attention he gets from Lily following him around.

Who ever knew that it would be such a pain to have five kids in the house at the same time ;p

Kid quote of the day - "Mom I'm gonna kick you if you take away the computer"  Livy was feeling like a brat.  She lost the computer for an extra day!  Ha servers her right!!!

I am so not into this tonight so I think I will stop here.  Olivia and Trenton are being total brats and I need to handle them.  I will leave you with some pics of Lily in her adventures in climbing the file cabinet. ~LATER LATER ALEEGATOR~

She was climbing, made it up, fell down, then got bored and crawled to mom. :D

Tiring day today.  Maybe just because I am already exhausted.  Took Olivia to school, came home, made breakfast, played with Lily and Trent, fixed lunch, picked Gwen and Bella up from their schools and took them for their yearly checkups. Then took the kids back to school (pain in the ass!) and went home to chill out with the little ones where I found out that Gwen's second interview with Wal Mart was to be today at 4:30.  Yeah a bit of notice would have been FUCKING nice.  I was not happy.  But we got it all covered and SHE GOT THE JOB!!!! I hope they call me for my interview soon.  I want to get it over with.  Ever since having my last three kids I don't think quick on my feet anymore (I used to I promise!) and so I want it done with so I can get on with my life.  Lily is just amazing us these days with all of the new stuff she does/discovers. Today at the doctors office she held on to Gwen's shoelace and nothing else, standing for a good twenty seconds before she grabbed her shoe again.  She is so much fun these days. :)

Lily slept on her tummy again and  made it all the way until 3 am before waking to eat!  I was so exited, but after that she ate about every 1/2 hour to 45 minutes when she woke up at 6 :(

Both of my older girls got clean bills of health so that was great and Livy came home happy and engaging and I think it was because she actually ate both of her school meals.  She is just now getting a bit tired.  I also found out that although she started out in normal reading and advanced math, she within a week of being assigned to these groups is now in advanced reading and advanced math!!!  I am so proud because I didn't teach her anything and she didn't go to preschool  She started to learn her letters but we never finished  and I never taught her sounds but she knows them and has started to read.  Holy cow I am so proud!!!! She is a smarty pants just like her sisters. :)

Gwen has a baby sitting job tomorrow so she will have a bit of cash which is great for her. I just want a weekend of long long long long long....(okay you get my drift) NAPS!!!

I am going to post a video of Lily crawling. :)

Kid quote of the day: Damn I don't remember any.  I really should start paying attention...Oh wait, I remember one.  While waiting patiently for me to open her jar of puffs, Lily kept repeating nine nine nine nine.  I think she was trying to say mine mine mine and remind me that those were her puffs!  ~LATER TATERS~

Wow, what a day.

I actually got so me cleaning done because Isabella was home with the tummy troubles and held Lillian while I cleaned the living room.  It felt so good to be productive again. And I got a nice nap too because Lily fell asleep on Bella (a usual thing - if she needs to sleep we just give her to Isabella). It was sooooo nice.

And then Olivia came home.  I do not know what is wrong with that child.  She comes home tired and acting bitchy.  Then on Monday she came home acting like her old self and I was so relieved.  Then today she came home acting not bitchy but raging bitchy!!!! OMG I can't take much more.  I have no idea what at school does this to her or if she is faking for attention or what.  I am so close to emailing her teacher to see if she knows what is going on but I would rather not have her all up in our business.  I don't trust the counselors at that school, they totally dropped the ball with Isabella and her Aspergers.  I also wonder if maybe she is skipping meals and that is what does this to her.  But with the two little ones at home I can't go there to check and make sure that she is actually eating.  I am so at a loss with this.  I guess I will be opening an email to Mrs. Donor soon. :(

Lily kept trying to crawl today but didn't do so great. She is getting better though. :)  She prefers to stand and play - or go from thing to thing cruising.  She is such a doll. Last night she slept on her tummy. It didn't keep her from waking to eat A LOT, but when she slept, she slept soundly!  I loved it. Although she did scare the crap out of me.  She fell asleep on her tummy and I felt her rustling around next to me and when I opened my eyes she was in a full sitting position and smiling down at me.

Well in the process of writing this Olivia said that people didn't want to play with her.  She was under assumption that all the kids in her class had to be her friend.  I tried to explain to her that she needed to pick a few to be friends with and then have the rest just be classmates. I hope she understands and things get better.  I also hope that she is telling the truth because she told me some humdingers!!!

I hope everyone is healthy here tomorrow.  I have to take Bella and Gwen to their yearly checkups.  Should be interesting dragging Trent and the baby along. LOL.

Kid Quote of the day:  Olivia - "Mom my teacher is banded from getting emails from moms. The principal said so!" This is one of the humdingers Livy told me when I threatened to email her teacher to find out what is going on. LMAO  I love these kids. :)

I slept wrong on DH's pillows at nap time and now my head and neck hurts.  I hate sleeping wrong! Well anyway, here is to a great tomorrow ~UNTIL NEXT TIME~

Quite and adventurous day...well, in my world it was. lol  Gwen stayed home from school sick again. It was nice taking Livy to school without having to drag the little ones with me.  And it was REALLY nice taking a nap without having to worry about Lily waking up and Trent not bothering me.  It was flippin fabulous!

Well Gwen was holding Lily this afternoon and she set her on the floor and left the room. Next thing I know I feel Lily tugging at my pant leg. This really startled me because I was on the opposite side of the room!  She had to have crawled to me but I MISSED IT :(  Well a bit later Isabella put her on the floor to go help with dinner and boy did Lily get PISSED. And she crawled like eight steps to her sister all while crying hysterically.  I can't believe she is a crawling! She is a bit awkward at it and still tries to get up on her feet, but she's doing it.

I found out today that Olivia got promoted in her reading class at school.  They split them into two categories ones who need help to catch up and ones who don't and well, she caught herself up in just a few short weeks.  So very proud of my little reader!!!!!!!!

So far Lily has fallen asleep without the boob.  I just hope she stays that way!!! If not oh well I guess it means more snuggle time for me. :)

Lily pretty much ate what we did for dinner tonight.  We had slow cooked roast, mashed potatoes and she had pureed peas instead of broccoli.  She really seemed to enjoy every bite!  She is torn between purees and baby led weaning. Silly girl.

I don't think my kids said anything cute today. Hmmm I might have to think about that and edit it later.  Well, Lily did start saying a new sound. Lalalalalalalal lalala lalalala la la lalalalalalalala. ~UNTIL NEXT TIME~

Last night we all had a good laugh.  We set Lily on the couch next to me with a plate of Gerber puffs in front of her.  She was picking them up and eating them perfectly and I look away for a second and when I turn back she is bent completely over with her head on the plate and sits herself  back up with a mouth full of the puffs.  She was imitating the dog I think.  It was so cute!  We tried to get it on video, but the minute we turned the darn thing on she stopped doing it.

This was a nice LAZY day!  Gwen stayed home from school with a bad tummy so we just laid/sat around and played on the computer, watched TV and took care of Lillian.  It was so nice.  I really needed the break.  And we had a decent nap.  I just wish this reflux or growth spurt Lily is going through would end so she isn't eating all night/naptime!

We have been waiting for Lily to crawl because she is trying so hard, but today she officially for the first time went from a laying to a sitting position!  I know, I know, no big deal...but things like this excite the shit out of me. :D

Olivia seems to be adjusting a bit better to school. She came home in a great mood, complimented her teacher and didn't really need to have a nap.  She is outside playng as I type this and she is going strong.  Either getting her back on her vitamins helped, or she was just having a bad few weeks or something.  I don't think she was playing us for attention, but with my kids anything is possible these days.

We had an interesting family discussion at dinner tonight.  We talked about standardized testing.  This district has so many standardized tests throughout the year that the teachers no longer teach everything the kids should know...They teach to the test and it really sucks to know that my kids get to know a few things really well, but don't get the experience of learning a wide variety of stuff like I did when I was a kid.  Such a sad state of affairs for our future. :(

Can I say how proud I am of my Isabella.  This whole Asperger's thing has been hard on her of course, but she is doing great socially!!!  She has a great group of friends and hasn't lost her cell phone (she uses it to keep in touch with friends) in over a month.  I am just so tickled pink - I know, I know, an old lady saying...but then again I AM A DAMN OLD LADY!!!! According to her teachers she is also blossoming in class.  I guess years of therapy have been worth it.

Hopefully Gwen and I will know about our perspective jobs at wal mart soon!!!  I want to get to making some money although I am gonna miss Lily like crazy.  I'm not used to leaving the kids with daddy! ;)

Oh and I am so relieved to say that miss Lily seems to be getting her appetite back after her tummy bug.  She has been eating food/breast milk like a little piggy all day!!!!!!!

My son seems to have a fascination with poop lately. (he is almost 4)  I swear every other word out of that boys mouth is POOP.  So my kid quote of the day comes from him.  When dinner was ready he said
"Yay! Macaroni and Poop"  Blech......  He just laughed though and then sat down to his dinner of mac and cheese and Chicken Nuggets.

Wonder if anything truly exciting will happen tomorrow....~TILL NEXT TIME~

I forgot to tell you all that I do have a website too

http://wyomommy.tripod.com/momof5crazies

Photobucket is pissing me off. I had a picture of Lily on there where she was sitting in her bumbo and you could barely see peeks of diaper and you could see a fat roll on her upper thigh. Well apparently someone thought that fat roll was a set of balls or something so they took the picture off. It is a free service so I don't know if I should bitch someone out or just leave it be. Really though how stupid do you have to be to not see the peeks of diaper and that the 'balls' on my GIRL are a fat roll. SERIOUSLY SOME PEOPLE ARE JUST TOO FUCKING STUPID!!! (phew, that vent makes me feel just a teensy fucking bit better) ;P

Don't you think that only a pervert would think this picture looks bad or is it just me. I am very paranoid about there being nakey pics of my baby all over the internet and if I thought she looked in any way naked or haning out I never would have done the pic.

I was able to get in an almost three hour nap today because Gwen and Bella took care of the baby for me. I really needed that. I'm getting over a cold and I'm exhausted from Lily needing boob all night every night for the past week!

My day was actually refreshingly boring! Most chores didn't get done :( so my house is a wreck, but the kids had fun playing and hanging out so I guess I can't complain. I think we have a tummy bug going through the family and it is mild thank goodness. Gwen will probably be the most affected because she has the weakest stomach in the house.

My kid quote of the day is from 7 month old Lillian - We were eating dinner and I was trying to finish my plate full of food before I took her screaming person out of the high chair but when she grabbed my sleeve and tugged on it and cried 'mum mum mum' I couldn't help but pick her up and give her a big hug.

Oh and if anyone can tell me how on earth to get rid of the underlined words above and how to avoid it next time I would appreciate it. I have no idea what I did to cause that or to get it to stop. LOL

SEE YA NEXT TIME. :D

Okay, I have been really bad about keeping up on here. I mean really bad. Things have been so hectic here and I am going to make a point of doing this every day from now on. So many weird/exciting things happen in my life that I think it helps to write it down to make everything more real.

A lot has been going on: Olivia started Kindergarten on the 24th of August. It has been a roller coaster ride for the poor child. I chose not to send her to pre school becuase of the stories I had heard about local preschools. I think that was a mistake. They are expected to know so much more now. They are actually doing math that my other kids didn't do until first grade. It is so ridiculous. I read an article one day that said that over 50 percent of kids who go into Kindergarten today will start having trouble in school by second grade because they are starting them off too fast and hard these days. They either need to make preschool free and mandatory or slow down a bit in my opinion. I will not let Olivia get caught up in it all though. I will keep teaching her here at home and re enforcing what she learns at school so by the second grade she will be ahead if not right on track! Some parents, sadly, can't or won't do that. You know, sometimes this world is just fucked up!!! But back to Olivia - she has been coming home so exhausted and I thought she would be over it by now, but she isn't yet. If she doesn't improve in the next week or two I will take her to the doc to see if there is something more going on. Both of my other kids loved Kindergarten, but I'm not sure Livy does. But then again, the older two had half day and Livy went from no structure to 7 full hours of structure and discipline. LOL Poor baby.

Lillian is doing great. She is trying her best to crawl, but keeps getting on her hands and feet instead of her hands and knees. Cute, but very frustrating for her! She is also pulling up on everything and cruising along the couch. She is getting big so quickly!

My Gwendolynn just turned 16 and is a Junior now! She and I are applying for a job togethter. The local Wal Mart where DH works is desperate for people so we are both trying to become cashiers. Gwen has her second interview next week and I just submitted my app so we will see what happens. The good thing about the jobs is that we will totally be off public assistance! The bad part is that our insurance sucks so we will have a hard time doing all the stuff we need to do for Bella without medicaid or CHIP to help. We will manage!

Tenton had been showing signs that to me whispered autism so I took him to the doctor who diagnosed Isabella and she said he is just copying his siblings and trying to get attention. He is the only boy in a sea of estrogen (besides DH). We have been letting him tantrum himself out instead of giving in to him and we have to accept that the neighbors might call the cops but will just have to deal with it if the time comes. That boy can get LOUD!!!! He is strong too and if he starts throwing or hitting, watch out! He is getting better though. Low and behold he is only like that after his three older sisters get home from school. DAMN THAT ESTROGEN!!!

Hey if you want to see some cute pics go here: http://s1119.photobucket.com/albums/k636/mommyof5crazies/My%20Kiddos%202/My%20Picnik%20Pics/

Funny kid quote of the day -

Olivia wanted us to check our account to see if we had money to go out to breakfast and said

"Mom, go onto money.com and see if we have enough money in our account" I love it!

Lillian's Birth Story

Well, after a horrible pregnancy I couldn't wait for it to be over. I started to have contractions but they just wouldn't be steady or super painful on a regular basis. I kept hoping that any day they would turn bad and I could labor at home and go in at the last minute and get my VBAC. (My hospital has a defacto ban on VBAC's) But alas it wasn't meant to be. I had been having vascular problems throughout the pregnancy - increased migraines etc. so I was worried about having a stroke and was at increased risk for it. My due date was the 22 of February but these contractions had started around the seventh. That was okay with me. I was technically full term and wanted my baby now!!! Well on the ninth I woke up feeling weird and took my blood pressure and sure enough it was high. I called my doctor and she had me go in for blood and a 24 hour urine test. I was told to rest and take it easy until results came back. On the tenth I went into the Dr.'s office and I hadn't progressed any at all I was still 2 cm dilated and 50 percent effaced. The doctor wanted to go ahead with a c section if my tests came back bad and although I wanted a VBAC I agreed. My fear of a stroke was more than my fear of a repeat c section. And sure enough the test results were far from good. I had developed pre-eclampsia. Right then and there I went to the hospital to be prepped for my surgery. I was so excited! My little girl would be here within two hours and I wouldn't be sick anymore!!!!!!!!!!

So the Dr. Met me at the hospital and I was prepped for surgery. I was scared shitless to say the least because I had trouble with anesthesia. The anesthesiologist was great and assured me that this time would be better than last. So my wonderful husband came into the OR and the surgery began. My shoulders cramped and it felt like I couldn't breat and I was crying and having a panic attack. But once my shoulders stopped cramping I was fine and within minutes my little girl was pulled out screaming. I was so happy that the tears started flowing again. My husband Tim went off with the baby while the doctor performed a tubal ligation so I couldn't have more kids (DID I REALLY NEED MORE? I ALREADY HAVE FIVE. LOL)

Before I knew it (The surgical staff was great keeping me involved and talking) I was in recovery and everything was going great. I hadn't been told how big my girl was even though I had seen and kissed her. Come to find out that Lillian Marie was 7 lb 15 3/4 oz. and 20 1/4 inches long. And she was healthy and doing great hanging with daddy and the nurses in the nursery. And again, before I knew it I was in my room and my husband walked in with my sweet little girl. I breastfed her and snuggled for awhile. The rest of the night was basically lots of medication, blood pressure checks and feeding a sweet little girl who was desperately looking for more milk than I had. LOL

The next day (the 11th was pretty much the same as the night of the tenth except for getting up and walking and showering. (This section was so much easier than my first and I was able to walk without falling over in pain) Because of my blood pressure I had to stay in the hospital until the 13th. Baby and I were both glad to get home though. I had missed my other kids and wanted my own bed. Baby was happy because my milk came in just hours before leaving the hospital. :D

Welcome

Hey everyone welcome to my blog. Everyone else is doing it so I thought I should probably do it too. Besides my kids do some cool/funny/annoying shit that I love to share. Hell, sometimes the only way I can keep my sanity is to share!!! WARNING - I'm not afraid to give TMI so beware if you don't want to hear about bodily functions and embarrassing situations turn away NOW!

A bit of an introduction for those of you who don't already know me. My name is Jaimee and I am a 40 year old mom of 5. I have four girls 15,12,4,6weeks and one little boy 3 Most of my life revolves around my kids. And since I have become an older mom the adventure never ends.

I just finished up a particularly rough spot in life...being pregnant with baby number five. I was so sick the whole time. It started out with morning sickness then went to a major Urinary Tract Infection and then a bout with a Tummy bug and throug

h it all I had my hips go out and I was in bed almost full time for two months. It really sucked!!! And when I got back on my feet I started dealing with extreme acid reflux and chronic pain and depression - my meds were for some reason no longer working and I was already on a higher than normal dose. It all ended with a serious blood pressure problem. I guess you can say I pretty much felt like crap for a full nine months. This had a huge toll on my whole family. My oldest daughter became a caretaker for the whole family including helping me with my young toddlers. I will forever be grateful to her though. My twelve year old who is a high functioning autistic had to give up therapy because there was no way to get her to her sessions. This set her progress back a lot and she became obsessed/addicted to her computer (provided by the school (Aug - May) and it affected her school work and her relationships with her family and friends. I feel very bad about that but am trying to fix it now. My poor toddlers suffered too. They missed out on having a healthy mommy and had to rely on a teenager and an autistic pre-teen for stuff they should have been able to rely on me for. At least now they will grow up loving and being able to count on their older siblings. As

for my husband, he went through a hard time at work during all of this and he really couldn't count on me to take up the slack or be of much use as a sounding board even. We are powering though it though. It's like during that nine months I was living on a different planet but still aware of what was happening right here. It was the worst time for me, hands down. But in the end I would not trade my new little girl for the world!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I love her very much. My next post will be my latest birth story and then I will start with current posts.